Cristiano Ronaldo fans have been turned into full-on lunatics by Lionel Messi

You might have heard the story of Japanese soldier Hiroo Onoda, who spent 29 years fighting after World War II ended, refusing to surrender until 1974.

Four decades later, football has found its own version: the Lionel Messi vs Cristiano Ronaldo debate in 2026.

“Kylian Mbappe has scored 20 goals in just 3 World Cups…

“It took Messi 6 World Cups to score 20 goals, and he was gifted 8 penalties on the way.”

The above was posted by @NoodleHairCR7, an account you might have noticed if your ‘For You’ algorithm on X has been populated by a particular brand of unhinged nonsense that’s been unavoidable since the World Cup began.

An astonishing bit of mental gymnastics to downplay the achievement of scoring more goals than anyone else in World Cup history. Yet it generated 46,000 likes.

Forty-six thousand. About the capacity of the Toronto Stadium, which played host to Ronaldo’s first and only World Cup knockout stage goal.

Included in the list of literally every footballer ever to have scored fewer World Cup goals than Messi is Cristiano Ronaldo, who also played in six World Cups and scored 11 goals. Ten fewer than his old foe.

Four of Ronaldo’s 11 World Cup goals have been from the penalty spot. He’s scored fewer non-penalty goals in six tournaments and 27 World Cup appearances in total than a 39-year-old Messi has in 2026 alone.

Ronaldo’s only World Cup knockout goal was a penalty. He once whipped off his shirt and celebrated wildly after scoring an ultimately meaningless penalty that made it 4-1 in the last minute of the 2014 Champions League final.

Eighteen per cent (184 of 976) of his career goals have been penalties, compared to just 12 per cent (114 of 919) for Messi. Penalties are illegitimate now, are they?

France have been “gifted” as many penalties over the last three World Cups as Argentina, including two in the final last time out. A hat-trick in a World Cup final? Pfft. Two of them were penalties. Fraud confirmed. Ahem, excuse me, I forgot my Twitter brainworms medicine this morning.

The thing is, there’d be some degree of internal logic if that had been posted by @MbappeGOAT2009 or something.

Mbappe’s 20 goals in 20 World Cup appearances is obscene. He’s on the cusp of becoming only the second player in history, after Cafu, to play in three World Cup finals.

He’s 27 years of age, and this is only his third tournament. The only defeat he’s suffered, on the biggest stage, was on penalties after scoring a hat-trick in the final last time around.

Chapeau, Kylian. A World Cup record that deserves nothing but admiration. Yet if his exploits are only ever deployed as ammunition in the Messi-Ronaldo debate, one obvious question follows: what does that make Cristiano Ronaldo’s World Cup record?

This is the thing about their GOAT. His acolytes long since stopped fighting his battles and have since anointed Mbappe as their chosen one in their arguments against Messi.

Step away from all the noise, step away from the social media bows and arrows, and the fact remains that Ronaldo has scored 11 World Cup goals. That’s pretty good going.

It’s one more than World Cup icons like Gary Lineker, Gabriel Batistuta and Thomas Muller. It’s only one fewer than Pele. Just him and Messi have played in six World Cups, but he’s the only one to have scored in all of them.

There’s a remarkable longevity there; his two excellent finishes against Uzbekistan and his only marginally offside goal against Croatia, is quite something from a 41-year-old. Only Roger Milla has scored a World Cup goal at an older age.

In an alternative reality, he might’ve had a useful role to play at this World Cup. An impact sub, a late-game poacher, an experienced leader in the dressing room with the self-awareness to know what he can and can’t do.

Amid all the hysterical cries of corruption about Argentina that fails to tally with barely controversial officiating, the closest we’ve come to an actual scandal was FIFA taking the unprecedented decision to reduce Ronaldo’s red card suspension from qualifying in order for one of the tournament’s most marketable stars to play from the off. They then repeated the trick for Folarin Balogun and the host nation.

Crickets from the usual suspects on that front, naturally.

Ironically, FIFA’s dodgy call probably harmed Portugal in the long run. Roberto Martinez never had to come up with a plan that didn’t involve pandering to an immobile quadragenarian, which resulted in them dropping points in their opener against DR Congo.

Had they won that game, or beaten Colombia, they would’ve had a more favourable path with a crash course for an internet-ending meeting with Messi’s Argentina in the quarters.

Argentina have had a forgiving route, sure, becoming the first side to reach the semi-finals without facing a top 15 ranked nation.

But it’s conveniently ignored that’s only because Portugal failed to top their group, and would’ve got to play Ghana and Switzerland instead of Croatia and Spain if they had.

Needless to say, none of this is worth pointing out.

I feel my IQ has dropped several points while writing this. Yours has dipped reading it. That’s the problem with arguing at this level: even if you win, you’ve still lowered yourself to it.

But here we are, circling our way down the drain together. Elon Musk’s X in a nutshell.

It’s one post, of thousands, and one account of far too many. But it’s the crux of the wider issue. It sells to be stupid. Unless you’re Piers Morgan, who might actually, genuinely, be that stupid.

The cynic in me wonders whether @NoodleHairCR7 is even an actual person, let alone a genuine Ronaldo fan. Maybe they were once. Maybe they still are, but have become trapped inside the machine.

The formula is as simple as it is depressing: say something outrageous, wait for people to tell you how wrong you are, watch the quote tweets pile up, collect the impressions, and let the algorithm reward you. Rinse and repeat.

After stomaching enough engagement farming and AI-generated slop, how can you not be left in an existential tailspin that none of this is even real? That your phone has you trapped inside a hellish Philip K. Dick novel.

The user has debased themselves, but what is themself anyway? A profile picture of a professional footballer they’re never going to meet. An annoying username. They think they are protecting their idol, but all they’re doing is making him into a grotesque spectacle. Whether they care is incidental — the whole process is monetised.

Maybe they’re not even a person. A gamified ChatGPT-created fever dream of idiocy. If not, they might as well be. Imagine that being who you are. Is there anything more nightmarish?

The real victim is the consumer. Mindlessly scrolling the X app on your way home from work, inflicting caustic brain damage on yourself. The mental equivalent of nothing but an entire lasagne for breakfast, lunch and tea. Comforting in the moment, but how do you feel after?

What’s really scary is that this is only Messi vs Ronaldo. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter. But we’re seeing these same concepts applied to politics, culture wars, conspiracy theories and public health debates.

Free yourself from the shackles. And never give this nonsense the time of day again.

By Nestor Watach

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